No Direction.

Our lives may be affected, but should never be determined, by other peoples' choices. 

And you know what, I just realized that I do that. 

Because I know that You love me.

I almost want to apologize because I talk about love so much, but then again, 1 Corinthians 13:13 kind of puts in to perspective how deeply important love is. Therefore, I will not apologize.

I read a blog post by a friend about a month ago, where she said that she's been having a lot of trouble loving people. I commented on her post saying that I've been having the same week she has.

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love does not envy.
Love does not boast.
Love is not proud.
Love does not dishonor others.
Love is not self-seeking.
Love is not easily angered.
Love keeps no records of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
Love always protects.
Love always trusts.
Love always hopes.
Love always perseveres.
Love never fails.

A few months ago I realized that this was a painting of God's love. Only God's love is perfect, and although we are supposed to love others with the love of God, our sin does not allow us to love without failure. We aren't always patients. We aren't always kind. We do envy, and oftentimes boast, even if only to ourselves. etc. etc. etc.

I have not been having the best semester of my life. I take responsibility for this.
Honestly, I have been looking at others and seeing where their love has holes. Where their love fails. I have deemed friends hypocritical because at times they are selfish, or proud, or boastful. Sometimes they are not kind.
I think that I have been bothered by this so much, because I am literally criticizing people for my own downfalls. When I look at someone, I more often dislike them for the qualities they have that are similar to my own downfalls that I have not addressed or asked forgiveness for.

To all my friends, family, and loved ones: I am sorry that I have not loved. So sorry.
I have not allowed the Holy Spirit to move through me. I have become stagnant, complaining that there are not any openings or opportunities, when in truth, I have becomes someone who is not ready for opportunities; I have not been truly readying myself for furthering the Kingdom of God.

The book Dateable addresses the fact that you need to be someone who someone else wants to marry. You can't just look for the perfect person and expect that you're perfect for them in return, especially when you have done nothing to grow.
This principle is one which is more broadly a definition of how we are to love others. We need to be prepared for what God has for us, not just expect that He will give us opportunities and THEN the strength to be successful in His Will.

Even when we don't know His Will, and right now I very much do NOT know certain aspects of His Will for me, faith has to reign. Trust that He does have a plan for our lives; hope in those plans.

We all fall short of the Glory of God. Sometimes the fall feels harder than others. Sometimes we do not even realize that we have fallen at all. But God's love for us never fails. And that is beautiful.

20

I don't think birthdays are new beginnings, or new chances, or even life changers. They should more likely signify that, in theory, you know more than you previously did and are more dignified in how you know it. Something about maturity.
But as I look at this past year, I don't particularly feel proud. In fact, I can pin-point those specific moments that I know changed the course of my life, and I'm not sure how many of those are changes for the better.
In all honesty, I feel more bitterness and confusion and loneliness now, than I ever have in my entire life. Last year I was still in a state of excitement for new experiences at college and new friendships which I always heard would last a lifetime. I was excited for involvement and personal and spiritual growth; for memories to be forged. Now I'm met with the realization that as time went on, I settled in to comfort and did not move past my zone. I made some incredible friends, but ended up not pushing myself beyond that group. I no longer looked for new experiences that took me out of my comfort zone or experienced much personal growth besides that which develops from heartbreak.
Spiritually I became refreshened once I met my boyfriend, Bryan. The joyful challenge and encouragement he has been in my life has been unlike any other. Even through my times of sinful pride and selfishness he has not turned away from me or given up. He is a living example of fighting for what you want and believe in, and his life story reminds me that even through the worst times, God will prevail.
Having such a great influence in my life still doesn't mean that I myself was not ever static in my faith. I was, and still am to an extent deeper than I am comfortable to admit, but I must. I know of a God who loves me, yet the "fruits" I see from even the close people around me almost turn me away. Bitterness has become prevalent in my heart, which I know is wrong: but indifference is the hardest mountain to overcome.
I'm praying for an awakening.
I'm praying for renewal.
Until then, I apologize for the state of my heart. I truly am sorry.

Reflection.

Sometimes I find myself looking in the mirror upset with myself. Not to be depressing, but I think that most people do that. Mirrors have a tendency of not only reflecting our physical appearance, but our hearts too. When I look in a mirror and become upset with what I see, oftentimes it is due to feelings of inferiority or sudden moments of self-deprecation.
This... is wrong.
When I look in to a mirror and receive mental negative feedback, whether that be about the way I look or the way I "am", that is me defining myself. That is my stepping in and over looking the fact that I have a signature on my soul representing that I am a piece of art by God the creator. A painting or sculpture can not declare it's own value. In the end, it is the artist Himself who defines worth, whether or not the rest of the population agrees.
And I am a creation of God. That makes me so much more than adequate.

Find in Thee thine all in All

Love is a choice, and God chose us.
Praise Him!

What Veggie Tales still teaches/reminds me of.

The gifts that God has blessed us with, our talents and resources and comforts, are not to be used for our own benefit, but in service to the One who gave us Love. What He gave to us, we return to Him in endless gratitude. That's serving. That is living a life of love.

Repetition of Praise!

As believers, we are allowed to spend eternity standing complete before the Throne of Christ, saying over and over again "Jesus died my soul save. Oh praise the one who paid my debts and raised this life up from the dead. To Him, I owe it all. Hallellujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Great is the name of the Lord God Almighty.