God is Love.

Happiness.

Today in class I looked at my biology professor. I realize this might come off as "creepy" or "weird" since he was not lecturing since it was before class, and it was somewhat awkward when we made eye contact, but I found myself wondering about him, what I realize I tend to wonder about a lot of adults: "is he happy"?
He stands at the front of the classroom with a try-to-be-smile-which-is-actually-a-side-smirk on his face, but his eyes always look so sad whenever he is not in the process of lecturing. He's a very nice man; a few weeks ago I was standing in line to buy a snack on my break at work, and I didn't notice that he happened to be standing behind me. He remembered my name, said hello, and scared me to death. It was also quite awkward, because past a small, formal conversation, we did not really have anything to say to each other, yet I was not through the line.
Despite being a kind man with a good sense of humor, I do wonder how happy he is.
........I wonder how happy a lot of people are.

Donald Miller talks about happiness a lot in his newest book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I think I've talked about it once or twice before, but it really is a great book.
I don't necessarily have a goal to be happy. I find myself happy a lot, but I do recognize that God doesn't promise us happiness. Believing in a "religion" that's based upon the Son of God dying on a cross to forgive us of our sin, and then thousands of murders due to persecution of his followers afterwards, does not exactly seem to lay out the happiest of all lives. But... I don't think you actually need to be happy if you're satisfied. I don't want to get in to a rant about the difference between happiness and joy, because I feel like I've made that differentiation a lot: but that's what it comes down to. Being rooted in Truth, and living a life according to God's calling and commandments, brings about a life of true satisfaction.

1 John 3:  ¹See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. ²Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. ³And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.

 I don't think that there's anything wrong with wanting to be happy. But when our concern for our own happiness comes before our love of God, all it really is, is a selfish desire. Telling God "no", or hesitating to His call because we think it will interfere with our happiness, is an act of pride. Like, we seriously think that we know better. We really do act like children in most areas of thought and understanding; I think this is one of the reasons why we are often referred to as "children" in the New Testament. Of course, we're children of God and it's fitting because He is the father, but this acts as a way to remind us that we don't know best and we are immature in all things. Happiness isn't necessarily something God doesn't want us to have, but I still don't necessarily think it is His personal goal.
Our lives are meant to be centered around God. God isn't meant to be centered around us.

Friday Favorites

And now, another installment of Friday Favorites! These are the things which have come to define my week!

1. The News. Whether it be watching on of my new favorite shows, "60 Minutes", or catching up on all the latest news headlines through various iPod Apps, I adore the news. I also adore actually knowing what is going on in the world. My heart goes out to the Japanese who have had to deal with homes and country being destroyed, my heart breaks for you, and my heart also goes out to all of those fighting for freedom and justice in Egypt and Libya.
2. T-Shirts. These days my attire basically consists of whatever pair of pants I can find, and a plain white v-neck t-shirt. I plan on designing a lot of t-shirts with random slogans that somehow have come to define my life on them but as for now (considering I do not necessarily have a large amount of money) I'll stick with these plain white ones.
3. Donald Miller. He's a very cool author. Last week on the beach I read his newest book (as far as I know), A Million Miles In A Thousand Years. What an AWESOME read. I could rant about this book and about him for a VERY long time, but I'll just sum it up by saying you need to read it, especially if you're like me: confused as to what the road of life is called to look like.
4. How I Met Your Mother. I already knew this was a funny show, but I've only ever watched it by myself. On Tuesday I had the joy of watching it with some friends, and golly-gee-wiz, is it funny! I have already watched all of these episodes before, but I found myself laughing as though it was for the first time. Great show, great show.

5. Pass Out Pooch. (We watched it in psychology on Tuesday. Never have I laughed so hard at such a sad thing. But oh my, it's funny.) 

6. Subway. Subway will always be a favorite. I love Subway. MMMMMMMHMMMMMM.
7. Busy Schedules. Nothing makes you feel quite as useful and productive as does actually having to sit down and plan. I have meetings and interviews and school projects and work and anything else you could possibly imagine coming up this next week, and I'm excited. I love being busy. Love it!

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend full of joy! I myself will be spending it with two dear friends, Kendyl Moore and Kelsey Clegg, in San Antonio at Kelsey's house for a girls weekend excursion! (This means shopping trip for Kelsey who needs to find a pair of jeans, and a cute white dress for her to wear when leaving her wedding reception in June.) I'm excited. These girls are exactly who I want to spend my weekend with!

Secret Lives.

You know how they say a chain is only as strong as its weakest link? I think that's true of character too. You are only as strong as your integrity. I think it's fair to say that what you do when no one is watching, is what defines you.

Of course, we all sin. But we go about hiding it: sinning more to cover up our sins. We're human. We're never going to find perfection in any form of ourselves. So matter what, we will keep on doing wrong, despite walls which have been built to keep us within moral guidelines. Even guilt of conscience, something which weighs heavy on our hearts and keeps us from joy and happiness in situations, is not enough to keep us on a right path.

So what is? Love of God? Well, David was a man after God's own heart but he still slept with a woman who wasn't his wife and then had her husband killed.
I think a lot of the answer can still be found in Love for God. Love for God is a passion inside which pushes people towards positive action. But I think in order to understand what loving God truly is, you have to abandon your love for yourself. You have to abandon who you were before Christ. When you do this, the material items of earth aren't so important anymore. You don't need to stress anymore about what to wear or even what will happen if you don't show up right on time. Worry and anxiety in themselves are sins, but I think they're rather self inflicted. In complete self abandonment, you find that even your idea of setting changes. You become in the world, but not of it, just as we are commanded.

So what is your secret life? What do you do when no one is looking? What do you say to people when you think no one else is listening? How do you spend your life?

what defines you?

Friday Favorites.

Me with Mr. T

1. Target. Brownwood doesn't have one, and the closest location is over an hour away. Being able to shop at Target over the break (twice!) was definitely exciting. What a great store.
2. Sleep. I never realize exactly how much sleep I don't get at school, until I catch up on it. After going to bed at 1:30 AM and waking up at 2:00 PM, I think I might need to start making sleep more a priority. Plus it's fun.
3. Dinosaurs (unexpected stops). I've said it before, I'll say it again: sometimes life doesn't go as planned. But that makes it more interesting. I think, or hope, that most of the time, it's God intervening and saying "here, it's not what you think you want, but this is waaaaay better!" Driving home for spring break was an adventure, to say the least. Memories were made which I'll be telling my own kids whenever they're leaving for spring break.
4. Free Samples. Who doesn't love free samples? Central Market, you never disappoint me (except when you didn't have any cheese samples out. That was upsetting. I'm still upset.)
5. Whataburger. Corpus Christi was the home of the first Whataburger in 1950. Originally located in a shack across the street from what is now Del Mar College, the burgers were sold out of window for only 25 cents. I don't really eat at Whataburger often, but Kendyl and I couldn't help but stop at "Whataburger by the Bay" when we were looking for a place to eat a late lunch once we arrived in Corpus. It's a two-story building, and probably the cleanest Whataburger establishment I have ever been in. Sitting on the upper-level, we ate our yummy food (most delicious Whataburger I've ever been to, also) and got a little bit of a show. Some people were sitting outside (bad idea when you're next to the ocean: seagulls) and having to shoo away the birds from their food. After multiple attempts which consisted of merely yelling at the winged creatures, a young man stood up and started chasing them. This definitely got the birds to fly away, but not before one of them defecated on him.
6. Beach Shops. One summer I would like to move to the beach and work in a beach shop. The t-shirts and bracelets and sunglasses and towels are the same in almost every single location you walk in, but they're just so much fun and they really bring out a summer-like atmosphere. I actually forgot yesterday that we're only here on spring break, and not for an actual summer vacation.
7. Kendyl Moore. As far as I know, Kendyl doesn't read my blog. But I'm not writing this for her to see, am I? Kendyl has been my constant this spring break. She came home with me, she rode to corpus with me, she went on a midnight snack run to Burger King last night with me, and now we're both in the condo getting ready to "beach it up", while the other members of our vacation group are already outside. Kendyl is wise and funny. She's calculated and not fickle. She has a beautiful heart, full of passion for the Savior. Together we watch Gilmore Girls, imagine what it would be like to marry in to the royal family, design Nike Shoes, and talk about life in general. She may seem quiet, but when you get to know her she definitely becomes more out-going. She's not out to impress anyone, she knows who she is and she doesn't need the approval of others. That's probably what I respect the most about her. Also, the fact that when she does decide to speak in serious situations, you know it's going to be something worth listening to. I love Kendyl.

The Beach.

Sometimes things do not go as planned. You could wake up at 4:30, planning to leave thirty minutes later for a three hour car ride, only to find that, three hours later, everything Murphy's Law exists and over that course of time, you've only ever gotten 5 miles away at a time, and have manually pushed two cars, loaded all your packed stuff into two separate cars, and tried to jump start a truck.
So what do we do when things don't go at planned?
I got excited. I'm not kidding. God answers prayers, duh, but He's specifically answering my prayer that I would be able to find joy in the bitterest of situations and not get so caught up among the ups and downs of life. I was honestly kind of excited for the little adventure Kendyl and I had yesterday, and God showed me a glimpse of how much He's blessed me by placing me in to my family. They were sad for our troubles and situations, and they all did everything they could to help. They rejoiced in our joy of final success!
Obstacles come from every direction possible. Half of the time, I wonder if God throws these obstacles in our way to make us work for it, so that we can be truly thankful. Other times, He completely takes away what we thought was opportunity, so that He can replace it with something better.
I want to be like a wave in God's ocean. (I'm sure his ocean smells better.) I want Him to take me, shape me, and THROW me, my only momentum being His Love and His Power. His ocean can make and destroy anything.

I could see myself becoming a beach bum. Not one of those creepy old ones with leathery skin who are constantly picking up broken pieces of sea shells, but the kind who reads a book by the ocean every day, who works at a cool little knick-knack shop and knows all of the best local restaurants. The kind who has long flowing blonde hair with natural sun-goldened highlights. The kind who rides a bike around town and carries a cool leather knapsack.
On the beach, your biggest problem is merely how to NOT get your towel covered in sand, and make sure your swimsuit stays tied. God takes care of the rest.

When I lay on the beach, I like to just feel the sun sinking into my skin. It feels like I'm literally soaking up God's awesome love.

(This post wasn't too cohesive, but I don't really feel like it needs to be. I'm on vacation ;) )

Things I Want to Like (but somehow, just don't)

1. Indie Films.
2. Big Bang Theory (I'm only half way through the first season, but seriously... when does it get funny?)
3. Lipstick.
4. Secret Handshakes. (I don't remember what to do!)
5. Painting my nails.
6. Running.
7. Yearbook Pictures.
8. The 80's.
9. Organic Food.
10. Pizza.
11. Piñatas.
12. Pencils.
13. Going to bed early.
14. Waking up early.
15. iPads.
16. Dr. Pepper.
17. Learning about wars in history.
18. Basketball.
19. Saving money.
20. Voicemail.

The Red Jeep.

Texas weather is probably on list of Top 10 Things You're Least Likely to Predict. One week you'll be saying "how is it THIS hot in January?!" and the next week you'll literally get 3 days off of school for a snow day. The week after that, it will feel like May, with sunshine, green grass, and a nice cool breeze, and of course the following week will consist mostly of dark clouds and thunderstorm warnings.

What this weather helps a lot with, is making old cars rather cranky. You have to be nice to your old cars, treat them with respect. Cars age much faster than people, although probably slower than dogs. (There isn't a lot of respect to be had for a car that conks out after 14 years, but you'll hear people comment on how old a dog was if it happens to pass away at the tender old age of 14). No, the first year of a car's life is probably worth about 5 human years, and each year after that is probably like... 4 years. This would put my quirky little old jeep at the ripe age of 69. (Let's not forget, my formula for car age is completely made up and highly estimated.) 

A fact that I DO happen to know and do not need to make up, is the fact that people over the age of 60 do all they can to NOT, I repeat, NOT go out in harsh weather. They complain and whine if they end up being forced to, actually. 9 times out of 10, though, you will not see an older woman at the grocery store if there's snow falling outside.
Well my car is the same way. Or, at least, it used to be. With the winter storm weather that passed through Brownwood about a month and a half ago, my car decided to say goodbye. There were cracked whats-its and tangled whose-its and obviously the whackitackity was off center.... Okay, so I still really have no clue what was wrong with my car, but long story short: it wouldn't work and we had to get to towed and fixed and such.
Now, normally when your car gets fixed, it stays fixed for longer than a week. This did not seem to be the case, though. Within a week of getting my car back, it decided to only start every once in awhile. If I let my car sit even a day without driving it, the chances of my car starting were slim to none. Every once in awhile it would suddenly start and I would be able to drive it around all over again, but even these drives felt somewhat life threatening due to my car violently shaking as it would pop in to gear. So two weeks after I got my car back, I felt like my car was dying again (and this time, I couldn't even blame it on the weather!). We got Firestone to come pick it up, and in a few days they were able to get it to start. No car part replacements necessary, my car was fixed.
The problem? Bad gas. Whether we had actually filled my car with bad gas, or the gas was just already old, I'll never know. But the gas inside of my tank was old and basically rotten... spoiled... like milk.

I'm sure there's some awesome analytical spiritual parallel that can come from this, but I'm not a theologian, or a preacher. What I do know, is that this did still teach me a lesson:
For as long as I have been alive, I've been riding in cars. It's second nature to get in a car and expect it to move: that's why we have them, to get to the places we need to go. But even my car, something that doesn't have emotions or thoughts and opinions, has failed me and let me down. God on the other hand, DOESN'T. ever.
Why is it so easy to get in a car and expect it to move, and yet still struggle with God having total control of your life?
It was a rather inconvenient, but necessary thing to be reminded that God is the only One who you can ever really deservedly place complete trust in.

...and not only did He let me have my car back, but it didn't cost me anything either. That was above my expectations. :)