And you know what, I just realized that I do that.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Because I know that You love me.
I almost want to apologize because I talk about love so much, but then again, 1 Corinthians 13:13 kind of puts in to perspective how deeply important love is. Therefore, I will not apologize.
I read a blog post by a friend about a month ago, where she said that she's been having a lot of trouble loving people. I commented on her post saying that I've been having the same week she has.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love does not envy.
Love does not boast.
Love is not proud.
Love does not dishonor others.
Love is not self-seeking.
Love is not easily angered.
Love keeps no records of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
Love always protects.
Love always trusts.
Love always hopes.
Love always perseveres.
Love never fails.
A few months ago I realized that this was a painting of God's love. Only God's love is perfect, and although we are supposed to love others with the love of God, our sin does not allow us to love without failure. We aren't always patients. We aren't always kind. We do envy, and oftentimes boast, even if only to ourselves. etc. etc. etc.
I have not been having the best semester of my life. I take responsibility for this.
Honestly, I have been looking at others and seeing where their love has holes. Where their love fails. I have deemed friends hypocritical because at times they are selfish, or proud, or boastful. Sometimes they are not kind.
I think that I have been bothered by this so much, because I am literally criticizing people for my own downfalls. When I look at someone, I more often dislike them for the qualities they have that are similar to my own downfalls that I have not addressed or asked forgiveness for.
To all my friends, family, and loved ones: I am sorry that I have not loved. So sorry.
I have not allowed the Holy Spirit to move through me. I have become stagnant, complaining that there are not any openings or opportunities, when in truth, I have becomes someone who is not ready for opportunities; I have not been truly readying myself for furthering the Kingdom of God.
The book Dateable addresses the fact that you need to be someone who someone else wants to marry. You can't just look for the perfect person and expect that you're perfect for them in return, especially when you have done nothing to grow.
This principle is one which is more broadly a definition of how we are to love others. We need to be prepared for what God has for us, not just expect that He will give us opportunities and THEN the strength to be successful in His Will.
Even when we don't know His Will, and right now I very much do NOT know certain aspects of His Will for me, faith has to reign. Trust that He does have a plan for our lives; hope in those plans.
We all fall short of the Glory of God. Sometimes the fall feels harder than others. Sometimes we do not even realize that we have fallen at all. But God's love for us never fails. And that is beautiful.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
20
I don't think birthdays are new beginnings, or new chances, or even life changers. They should more likely signify that, in theory, you know more than you previously did and are more dignified in how you know it. Something about maturity.
But as I look at this past year, I don't particularly feel proud. In fact, I can pin-point those specific moments that I know changed the course of my life, and I'm not sure how many of those are changes for the better.
In all honesty, I feel more bitterness and confusion and loneliness now, than I ever have in my entire life. Last year I was still in a state of excitement for new experiences at college and new friendships which I always heard would last a lifetime. I was excited for involvement and personal and spiritual growth; for memories to be forged. Now I'm met with the realization that as time went on, I settled in to comfort and did not move past my zone. I made some incredible friends, but ended up not pushing myself beyond that group. I no longer looked for new experiences that took me out of my comfort zone or experienced much personal growth besides that which develops from heartbreak.
Spiritually I became refreshened once I met my boyfriend, Bryan. The joyful challenge and encouragement he has been in my life has been unlike any other. Even through my times of sinful pride and selfishness he has not turned away from me or given up. He is a living example of fighting for what you want and believe in, and his life story reminds me that even through the worst times, God will prevail.
Having such a great influence in my life still doesn't mean that I myself was not ever static in my faith. I was, and still am to an extent deeper than I am comfortable to admit, but I must. I know of a God who loves me, yet the "fruits" I see from even the close people around me almost turn me away. Bitterness has become prevalent in my heart, which I know is wrong: but indifference is the hardest mountain to overcome.
I'm praying for an awakening.
I'm praying for renewal.
Until then, I apologize for the state of my heart. I truly am sorry.
But as I look at this past year, I don't particularly feel proud. In fact, I can pin-point those specific moments that I know changed the course of my life, and I'm not sure how many of those are changes for the better.
In all honesty, I feel more bitterness and confusion and loneliness now, than I ever have in my entire life. Last year I was still in a state of excitement for new experiences at college and new friendships which I always heard would last a lifetime. I was excited for involvement and personal and spiritual growth; for memories to be forged. Now I'm met with the realization that as time went on, I settled in to comfort and did not move past my zone. I made some incredible friends, but ended up not pushing myself beyond that group. I no longer looked for new experiences that took me out of my comfort zone or experienced much personal growth besides that which develops from heartbreak.
Spiritually I became refreshened once I met my boyfriend, Bryan. The joyful challenge and encouragement he has been in my life has been unlike any other. Even through my times of sinful pride and selfishness he has not turned away from me or given up. He is a living example of fighting for what you want and believe in, and his life story reminds me that even through the worst times, God will prevail.
Having such a great influence in my life still doesn't mean that I myself was not ever static in my faith. I was, and still am to an extent deeper than I am comfortable to admit, but I must. I know of a God who loves me, yet the "fruits" I see from even the close people around me almost turn me away. Bitterness has become prevalent in my heart, which I know is wrong: but indifference is the hardest mountain to overcome.
I'm praying for an awakening.
I'm praying for renewal.
Until then, I apologize for the state of my heart. I truly am sorry.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Reflection.
Sometimes I find myself looking in the mirror upset with myself. Not to be depressing, but I think that most people do that. Mirrors have a tendency of not only reflecting our physical appearance, but our hearts too. When I look in a mirror and become upset with what I see, oftentimes it is due to feelings of inferiority or sudden moments of self-deprecation.
This... is wrong.
When I look in to a mirror and receive mental negative feedback, whether that be about the way I look or the way I "am", that is me defining myself. That is my stepping in and over looking the fact that I have a signature on my soul representing that I am a piece of art by God the creator. A painting or sculpture can not declare it's own value. In the end, it is the artist Himself who defines worth, whether or not the rest of the population agrees.
And I am a creation of God. That makes me so much more than adequate.
This... is wrong.
When I look in to a mirror and receive mental negative feedback, whether that be about the way I look or the way I "am", that is me defining myself. That is my stepping in and over looking the fact that I have a signature on my soul representing that I am a piece of art by God the creator. A painting or sculpture can not declare it's own value. In the end, it is the artist Himself who defines worth, whether or not the rest of the population agrees.
And I am a creation of God. That makes me so much more than adequate.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
What Veggie Tales still teaches/reminds me of.
The gifts that God has blessed us with, our talents and resources and comforts, are not to be used for our own benefit, but in service to the One who gave us Love. What He gave to us, we return to Him in endless gratitude. That's serving. That is living a life of love.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Repetition of Praise!
As believers, we are allowed to spend eternity standing complete before the Throne of Christ, saying over and over again "Jesus died my soul save. Oh praise the one who paid my debts and raised this life up from the dead. To Him, I owe it all. Hallellujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Great is the name of the Lord God Almighty.
Thumper.
This phrase is one of the best remembered from all of Bambi. Disney did a great job of making the concept one that children of all ages would remember for a lifetime (I myself am living proof). In fact, upon researching this phrase, it turns out that this moral has come to be known by as the "Thumperian principle"! Thank you Wikipedia (I think you're at least partially reliable!)
Even though it's a familiar, is this really something we really put in to practice in our day to day lives?
Sometimes I feel like the older we get, the more childish we consider this idea to be. Of course on the surface, only saying nice things seems "just super!". But in reality, humor and jokes tend to be sarcastic and sometimes you can get the best laugh by cutting a dear friend down. These situations are easily justified by telling yourself (they're my friend, they know I'm just kidding.)
But Proverbs 34:13-14 states,
"Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it."Correct me if I'm wrong, but in no way do I believe that pointing out the flaw of a friend for the sake of a joke is an act of peace. More seriously, wouldn't this be an example of pride in its purest form? You're cutting someone else down for your own benefit. You're treating someone you supposedly love in such a way that disfigures love of Christ and in such a way that others would view hypocritical.
Holding your tongue is a principle. It's about being kind. Last time I checked, kindness was still listed as one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit.
I know in my personal day-to-day life I am by NO MEANS clear of doing this. But it has been on my heart quite often throughout this past week, and now I see a speck in my own eye that I need to concentrate on asking and allowing God to remove.
It's all about Christ's perfect love.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Sophomore Year Fall Semester
I want to come off of this semester describing it as being chock full of purely empirical experiences.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Summertime and Piggies.
I have always liked summer, despite the heat. I enjoy sunny days and ice cream, swimming pools and sno-cones, sleeping in and staying up late (which are two habits I tend to follow no matter what the season may be, but they certainly fit best during the Summer season.)
So out of the Christian University environment and back in the comfort of my own home and bed (which has a REAL mattress and not whatever that thing HPU has me sleeping on is), needless to say, it has been a while since I have updated my blog. Oops. Maybe I should give myself some leeway since I happened to assume that this would happen and I'm not neccessarily sure anyone really reads this, but then again, this isn't for the people reading it, this is for myself and for God. Writing of His and my relationship is a great way of exposing it to better understand it; understanding leads to maturity.
So, what did God teach me this summer? A lot, and it has only been about a month and a half, so that would be a long blog post that I'm not necessarily capable of writing at this point. Easier question: What has God taught me today?
A fool may know just as much as a wise man, but a wise man puts his knowledge in to action while a fool does not.
There are many things I know. I know how to tie my shoes, I know that 2+2=4, I know the difference between Microeconomics and Macroeconomics. I know that I should be in God's word everyday. I know that I should talk to God every day. I know that I should be a good steward of my money, and I know that I should tithe.
Remember how the third little piggy was wise and he built his house out of brick? He spent more time on it than those foolish piggy brothers of his did. He probably dug a hole and poured some cement in it and created a strong foundation so that when trouble came, he wouldn't be in danger because he was on solid ground, (just as our faith in God should be.) On other hand, piglets Tweedledee and Tweedledum knew that sticks and straw weren't the most reliable of materials, but they were sure easier and more "time efficient". They had watched HGTV. They knew that you need a sturdy foundation and proper materials to build something reliable and trustworthy.
There are many things I know. I know how to tie my shoes, I know that 2+2=4, I know the difference between Microeconomics and Macroeconomics. I know that I should be in God's word everyday. I know that I should talk to God every day. I know that I should be a good steward of my money, and I know that I should tithe.
Remember how the third little piggy was wise and he built his house out of brick? He spent more time on it than those foolish piggy brothers of his did. He probably dug a hole and poured some cement in it and created a strong foundation so that when trouble came, he wouldn't be in danger because he was on solid ground, (just as our faith in God should be.) On other hand, piglets Tweedledee and Tweedledum knew that sticks and straw weren't the most reliable of materials, but they were sure easier and more "time efficient". They had watched HGTV. They knew that you need a sturdy foundation and proper materials to build something reliable and trustworthy.
But knowing truth doesn't make you wise. Actually being in God's word and building upon your relationship with him is what brings about maturity in your faith and in other areas of your life as well. Just because I know that I should do something is not enough, it does not separate me from anyone who God as deemed a "fool". But the wise man knows all about solid foundations. He knows everything that a fool knows... He just doesn't wait until the Big Bad Wolf comes in order to put what he knows in to action.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Faith and Deeds.
The book of James is one of my favorites. Ever since I was little and listening to Adventures in Odyssey on tape late at night on my little battery powered tape player, and I heard an episode which concentrated on James 1:2-4. They said that verse about 3 or 4 times within the episode and I loved it so much that I rewound the tape and listened to the verse over and over again until I memorized it.
I've read James a lot. It's like... my comfort book/my go-to, so, if it's possible, there's a chance that I read it too much.
Even though it's short, there is SO much packed in to it.
So here's part of the second chapter. :)
James 2: 14-26
What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.
You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend. You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.
In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.
I've read James a lot. It's like... my comfort book/my go-to, so, if it's possible, there's a chance that I read it too much.
Even though it's short, there is SO much packed in to it.
So here's part of the second chapter. :)
James 2: 14-26
What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.
You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend. You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.
In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
I Wonder.
How hard will I cry out of joy when I get to Heaven and God looks at me and says, "I love you."
Monday, April 18, 2011
Be Still.
Last night after Stand (the Sunday Night College Ministry at First Baptist Church of Brownwood), Austin (First Baptist's Youth Minister) brought up a really good point that he said had been coming up a lot in his own life over the past week: people in general will not rest. We stress ourselves out and in these times of stress, afternoon naps and movies are merely used as tools of distraction away from our stress. These do not actually relieve stress or fix it, they simply hinder it for the time. People more often need to be told to just... be still.
This is on my mind because I happen to be mid-stress mode right now. Summer is technically 17 days away, there are 4 days of finals and every project that has been assigned in any of my classes seems to be due either this week or next. I have a test tomorrow and a book report on the most boring book I have ever picked up due Wednesday, and it all has to be finished today since I have work tomorrow. This still would not propose such a time constraint if it were not for the fact that tonight and tomorrow afternoon there are Chapel services that I have to attend in order to finish up my Chapel credit for the semester. My mind feels like it is going a hundred miles a minute, but no matter how much I seem to beg myself to just STOP and take a minute to refocus, I get consumed by worry: worry that I won't make a good grade on this test tomorrow, worry that I'll be up late tonight working on my biology book report which will make me tired at work tomorrow which will in turn make work ten times longer which will then make work ten times more dull....... my muscles tense up just thinking about it.
But then there's Psalm 46.
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come and see what the LORD has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Reading that slowly is so calming. Reading the Bible and being in God's Word doesn't take our "to-do's" away. It doesn't necessarily make tests simpler and homework easier. What it does do though, is so much more valuable and important: it reminds us of who God is, and that no matter what, He is our refuge in good times and in times of trouble. He can be counted on no matter what, and there is nothing more valuable than a relationship with Him.
The end of school is near. The end of my freshman year of college is imminent. Although everything seems to be colliding together and stressed within a two-week time constraint, God is always here: strong and unchanging. Reliable and powerful, full of understanding and love.
His love is strong, His love is great, His love is good.
Knowing that is more important than anything I could ever memorize for a test.
This is on my mind because I happen to be mid-stress mode right now. Summer is technically 17 days away, there are 4 days of finals and every project that has been assigned in any of my classes seems to be due either this week or next. I have a test tomorrow and a book report on the most boring book I have ever picked up due Wednesday, and it all has to be finished today since I have work tomorrow. This still would not propose such a time constraint if it were not for the fact that tonight and tomorrow afternoon there are Chapel services that I have to attend in order to finish up my Chapel credit for the semester. My mind feels like it is going a hundred miles a minute, but no matter how much I seem to beg myself to just STOP and take a minute to refocus, I get consumed by worry: worry that I won't make a good grade on this test tomorrow, worry that I'll be up late tonight working on my biology book report which will make me tired at work tomorrow which will in turn make work ten times longer which will then make work ten times more dull....... my muscles tense up just thinking about it.
But then there's Psalm 46.
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come and see what the LORD has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Reading that slowly is so calming. Reading the Bible and being in God's Word doesn't take our "to-do's" away. It doesn't necessarily make tests simpler and homework easier. What it does do though, is so much more valuable and important: it reminds us of who God is, and that no matter what, He is our refuge in good times and in times of trouble. He can be counted on no matter what, and there is nothing more valuable than a relationship with Him.
The end of school is near. The end of my freshman year of college is imminent. Although everything seems to be colliding together and stressed within a two-week time constraint, God is always here: strong and unchanging. Reliable and powerful, full of understanding and love.
His love is strong, His love is great, His love is good.
Knowing that is more important than anything I could ever memorize for a test.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Patience.
God made me a thinker. God made me a planner. God also gave me a lot of excitement and anticipation. This is good: it keeps me bubbly and joyful, but it also means that by my own power, I allow myself to get caught up in my thoughts and my plans. When things (surprisingly enough?) don't go as I (of course) envisioned that they would, I get even more caught up in them: tripping over my own feelings as though they're a rug that's not laying flat. All I can then concentrate on is the bump in the rug and the problem it's caused me. I'll be frustrated that MY plan didn't go how I wanted and expected them to.
I think this is true for everyone to some extent, but it has definitely ALWAYS been an issue for me. Sure, I "know" that God wants me to just let Him take control, but sometimes, I think that I just say my plans are like... "in God's name" or something, and I think that if I pray for something REALLY hard, then I'll get it. I expect it to work like a secret formula, so that what I anticipate is going to happen, does.
But God isn't a secret formula, there isn't a hocus-pocus type of spell in prayer which will make us succeed in everything we do. Praying doesn't necessarily give us what we ask for, and using prayer as a selfish tool only makes us lose sight of the true value and importance of it.
It's true that God does call us to come to Him with our everything, (He also instructed us to come to him with our needs in thanksgiving. I think that's a really awesome reminder of the perspective we're supposed to have on this world.) but there are a lot of things which we, or I, feel entitled to merely because it is the "social norm", or because I want it.
No one has the PERFECT relationship with God; we will ALWAYS have our struggles against Him. I don't want to always be stubborn when it comes to relinquishing what I imagine to be my own control over situations to Him, but this could possibly be something I do have to be wary of for the rest of my life. Still, no matter how much I may fight and struggle against Him, He will always prevail. God is bigger than any box I could ever try and put Him in.
A thought that has been coming up often lately, is that whenever God says "no" to something I ask for, it's because He's saying "No, I have something even better than that."
SO: if I happen to be in your prayers, please pray that I be given more patience.
In the end... God ALWAYS has something better.
I think this is true for everyone to some extent, but it has definitely ALWAYS been an issue for me. Sure, I "know" that God wants me to just let Him take control, but sometimes, I think that I just say my plans are like... "in God's name" or something, and I think that if I pray for something REALLY hard, then I'll get it. I expect it to work like a secret formula, so that what I anticipate is going to happen, does.
But God isn't a secret formula, there isn't a hocus-pocus type of spell in prayer which will make us succeed in everything we do. Praying doesn't necessarily give us what we ask for, and using prayer as a selfish tool only makes us lose sight of the true value and importance of it.
It's true that God does call us to come to Him with our everything, (He also instructed us to come to him with our needs in thanksgiving. I think that's a really awesome reminder of the perspective we're supposed to have on this world.) but there are a lot of things which we, or I, feel entitled to merely because it is the "social norm", or because I want it.
No one has the PERFECT relationship with God; we will ALWAYS have our struggles against Him. I don't want to always be stubborn when it comes to relinquishing what I imagine to be my own control over situations to Him, but this could possibly be something I do have to be wary of for the rest of my life. Still, no matter how much I may fight and struggle against Him, He will always prevail. God is bigger than any box I could ever try and put Him in.
A thought that has been coming up often lately, is that whenever God says "no" to something I ask for, it's because He's saying "No, I have something even better than that."
SO: if I happen to be in your prayers, please pray that I be given more patience.
In the end... God ALWAYS has something better.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Happiness.
Today in class I looked at my biology professor. I realize this might come off as "creepy" or "weird" since he was not lecturing since it was before class, and it was somewhat awkward when we made eye contact, but I found myself wondering about him, what I realize I tend to wonder about a lot of adults: "is he happy"?
He stands at the front of the classroom with a try-to-be-smile-which-is-actually-a-side-smirk on his face, but his eyes always look so sad whenever he is not in the process of lecturing. He's a very nice man; a few weeks ago I was standing in line to buy a snack on my break at work, and I didn't notice that he happened to be standing behind me. He remembered my name, said hello, and scared me to death. It was also quite awkward, because past a small, formal conversation, we did not really have anything to say to each other, yet I was not through the line.
Despite being a kind man with a good sense of humor, I do wonder how happy he is.
........I wonder how happy a lot of people are.
Donald Miller talks about happiness a lot in his newest book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I think I've talked about it once or twice before, but it really is a great book.
I don't necessarily have a goal to be happy. I find myself happy a lot, but I do recognize that God doesn't promise us happiness. Believing in a "religion" that's based upon the Son of God dying on a cross to forgive us of our sin, and then thousands of murders due to persecution of his followers afterwards, does not exactly seem to lay out the happiest of all lives. But... I don't think you actually need to be happy if you're satisfied. I don't want to get in to a rant about the difference between happiness and joy, because I feel like I've made that differentiation a lot: but that's what it comes down to. Being rooted in Truth, and living a life according to God's calling and commandments, brings about a life of true satisfaction.
I don't think that there's anything wrong with wanting to be happy. But when our concern for our own happiness comes before our love of God, all it really is, is a selfish desire. Telling God "no", or hesitating to His call because we think it will interfere with our happiness, is an act of pride. Like, we seriously think that we know better. We really do act like children in most areas of thought and understanding; I think this is one of the reasons why we are often referred to as "children" in the New Testament. Of course, we're children of God and it's fitting because He is the father, but this acts as a way to remind us that we don't know best and we are immature in all things. Happiness isn't necessarily something God doesn't want us to have, but I still don't necessarily think it is His personal goal.
Our lives are meant to be centered around God. God isn't meant to be centered around us.
He stands at the front of the classroom with a try-to-be-smile-which-is-actually-a-side-smirk on his face, but his eyes always look so sad whenever he is not in the process of lecturing. He's a very nice man; a few weeks ago I was standing in line to buy a snack on my break at work, and I didn't notice that he happened to be standing behind me. He remembered my name, said hello, and scared me to death. It was also quite awkward, because past a small, formal conversation, we did not really have anything to say to each other, yet I was not through the line.
Despite being a kind man with a good sense of humor, I do wonder how happy he is.
........I wonder how happy a lot of people are.
Donald Miller talks about happiness a lot in his newest book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I think I've talked about it once or twice before, but it really is a great book.
I don't necessarily have a goal to be happy. I find myself happy a lot, but I do recognize that God doesn't promise us happiness. Believing in a "religion" that's based upon the Son of God dying on a cross to forgive us of our sin, and then thousands of murders due to persecution of his followers afterwards, does not exactly seem to lay out the happiest of all lives. But... I don't think you actually need to be happy if you're satisfied. I don't want to get in to a rant about the difference between happiness and joy, because I feel like I've made that differentiation a lot: but that's what it comes down to. Being rooted in Truth, and living a life according to God's calling and commandments, brings about a life of true satisfaction.
1 John 3: 1See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. 2Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. 3And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.
I don't think that there's anything wrong with wanting to be happy. But when our concern for our own happiness comes before our love of God, all it really is, is a selfish desire. Telling God "no", or hesitating to His call because we think it will interfere with our happiness, is an act of pride. Like, we seriously think that we know better. We really do act like children in most areas of thought and understanding; I think this is one of the reasons why we are often referred to as "children" in the New Testament. Of course, we're children of God and it's fitting because He is the father, but this acts as a way to remind us that we don't know best and we are immature in all things. Happiness isn't necessarily something God doesn't want us to have, but I still don't necessarily think it is His personal goal.
Our lives are meant to be centered around God. God isn't meant to be centered around us.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Friday Favorites
And now, another installment of Friday Favorites! These are the things which have come to define my week!
1. The News. Whether it be watching on of my new favorite shows, "60 Minutes", or catching up on all the latest news headlines through various iPod Apps, I adore the news. I also adore actually knowing what is going on in the world. My heart goes out to the Japanese who have had to deal with homes and country being destroyed, my heart breaks for you, and my heart also goes out to all of those fighting for freedom and justice in Egypt and Libya.
2. T-Shirts. These days my attire basically consists of whatever pair of pants I can find, and a plain white v-neck t-shirt. I plan on designing a lot of t-shirts with random slogans that somehow have come to define my life on them but as for now (considering I do not necessarily have a large amount of money) I'll stick with these plain white ones.
3. Donald Miller. He's a very cool author. Last week on the beach I read his newest book (as far as I know), A Million Miles In A Thousand Years. What an AWESOME read. I could rant about this book and about him for a VERY long time, but I'll just sum it up by saying you need to read it, especially if you're like me: confused as to what the road of life is called to look like.
4. How I Met Your Mother. I already knew this was a funny show, but I've only ever watched it by myself. On Tuesday I had the joy of watching it with some friends, and golly-gee-wiz, is it funny! I have already watched all of these episodes before, but I found myself laughing as though it was for the first time. Great show, great show.
6. Subway. Subway will always be a favorite. I love Subway. MMMMMMMHMMMMMM.
7. Busy Schedules. Nothing makes you feel quite as useful and productive as does actually having to sit down and plan. I have meetings and interviews and school projects and work and anything else you could possibly imagine coming up this next week, and I'm excited. I love being busy. Love it!
I hope you all have a fantastic weekend full of joy! I myself will be spending it with two dear friends, Kendyl Moore and Kelsey Clegg, in San Antonio at Kelsey's house for a girls weekend excursion! (This means shopping trip for Kelsey who needs to find a pair of jeans, and a cute white dress for her to wear when leaving her wedding reception in June.) I'm excited. These girls are exactly who I want to spend my weekend with!
1. The News. Whether it be watching on of my new favorite shows, "60 Minutes", or catching up on all the latest news headlines through various iPod Apps, I adore the news. I also adore actually knowing what is going on in the world. My heart goes out to the Japanese who have had to deal with homes and country being destroyed, my heart breaks for you, and my heart also goes out to all of those fighting for freedom and justice in Egypt and Libya.
2. T-Shirts. These days my attire basically consists of whatever pair of pants I can find, and a plain white v-neck t-shirt. I plan on designing a lot of t-shirts with random slogans that somehow have come to define my life on them but as for now (considering I do not necessarily have a large amount of money) I'll stick with these plain white ones.
3. Donald Miller. He's a very cool author. Last week on the beach I read his newest book (as far as I know), A Million Miles In A Thousand Years. What an AWESOME read. I could rant about this book and about him for a VERY long time, but I'll just sum it up by saying you need to read it, especially if you're like me: confused as to what the road of life is called to look like.
4. How I Met Your Mother. I already knew this was a funny show, but I've only ever watched it by myself. On Tuesday I had the joy of watching it with some friends, and golly-gee-wiz, is it funny! I have already watched all of these episodes before, but I found myself laughing as though it was for the first time. Great show, great show.
5. Pass Out Pooch. (We watched it in psychology on Tuesday. Never have I laughed so hard at such a sad thing. But oh my, it's funny.)
6. Subway. Subway will always be a favorite. I love Subway. MMMMMMMHMMMMMM.
7. Busy Schedules. Nothing makes you feel quite as useful and productive as does actually having to sit down and plan. I have meetings and interviews and school projects and work and anything else you could possibly imagine coming up this next week, and I'm excited. I love being busy. Love it!
I hope you all have a fantastic weekend full of joy! I myself will be spending it with two dear friends, Kendyl Moore and Kelsey Clegg, in San Antonio at Kelsey's house for a girls weekend excursion! (This means shopping trip for Kelsey who needs to find a pair of jeans, and a cute white dress for her to wear when leaving her wedding reception in June.) I'm excited. These girls are exactly who I want to spend my weekend with!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Secret Lives.
You know how they say a chain is only as strong as its weakest link? I think that's true of character too. You are only as strong as your integrity. I think it's fair to say that what you do when no one is watching, is what defines you.
Of course, we all sin. But we go about hiding it: sinning more to cover up our sins. We're human. We're never going to find perfection in any form of ourselves. So matter what, we will keep on doing wrong, despite walls which have been built to keep us within moral guidelines. Even guilt of conscience, something which weighs heavy on our hearts and keeps us from joy and happiness in situations, is not enough to keep us on a right path.
So what is? Love of God? Well, David was a man after God's own heart but he still slept with a woman who wasn't his wife and then had her husband killed.
I think a lot of the answer can still be found in Love for God. Love for God is a passion inside which pushes people towards positive action. But I think in order to understand what loving God truly is, you have to abandon your love for yourself. You have to abandon who you were before Christ. When you do this, the material items of earth aren't so important anymore. You don't need to stress anymore about what to wear or even what will happen if you don't show up right on time. Worry and anxiety in themselves are sins, but I think they're rather self inflicted. In complete self abandonment, you find that even your idea of setting changes. You become in the world, but not of it, just as we are commanded.
So what is your secret life? What do you do when no one is looking? What do you say to people when you think no one else is listening? How do you spend your life?
Of course, we all sin. But we go about hiding it: sinning more to cover up our sins. We're human. We're never going to find perfection in any form of ourselves. So matter what, we will keep on doing wrong, despite walls which have been built to keep us within moral guidelines. Even guilt of conscience, something which weighs heavy on our hearts and keeps us from joy and happiness in situations, is not enough to keep us on a right path.
So what is? Love of God? Well, David was a man after God's own heart but he still slept with a woman who wasn't his wife and then had her husband killed.
I think a lot of the answer can still be found in Love for God. Love for God is a passion inside which pushes people towards positive action. But I think in order to understand what loving God truly is, you have to abandon your love for yourself. You have to abandon who you were before Christ. When you do this, the material items of earth aren't so important anymore. You don't need to stress anymore about what to wear or even what will happen if you don't show up right on time. Worry and anxiety in themselves are sins, but I think they're rather self inflicted. In complete self abandonment, you find that even your idea of setting changes. You become in the world, but not of it, just as we are commanded.
So what is your secret life? What do you do when no one is looking? What do you say to people when you think no one else is listening? How do you spend your life?
what defines you?
Friday, March 11, 2011
Friday Favorites.
 |
| Me with Mr. T |
- Target. Brownwood doesn't have one, and the closest location is over an hour away. Being able to shop at Target over the break (twice!) was definitely exciting. What a great store.
- Sleep. I never realize exactly how much sleep I don't get at school, until I catch up on it. After going to bed at 1:30 AM and waking up at 2:00 PM, I think I might need to start making sleep more a priority. Plus it's fun.
- Dinosaurs (unexpected stops). I've said it before, I'll say it again: sometimes life doesn't go as planned. But that makes it more interesting. I think, or hope, that most of the time, it's God intervening and saying "here, it's not what you think you want, but this is waaaaay better!" Driving home for spring break was an adventure, to say the least. Memories were made which I'll be telling my own kids whenever they're leaving for spring break.
- Free Samples. Who doesn't love free samples? Central Market, you never disappoint me (except when you didn't have any cheese samples out. That was upsetting. I'm still upset.)
- Whataburger. Corpus Christi was the home of the first Whataburger in 1950. Originally located in a shack across the street from what is now Del Mar College, the burgers were sold out of window for only 25 cents. I don't really eat at Whataburger often, but Kendyl and I couldn't help but stop at "Whataburger by the Bay" when we were looking for a place to eat a late lunch once we arrived in Corpus. It's a two-story building, and probably the cleanest Whataburger establishment I have ever been in. Sitting on the upper-level, we ate our yummy food (most delicious Whataburger I've ever been to, also) and got a little bit of a show. Some people were sitting outside (bad idea when you're next to the ocean: seagulls) and having to shoo away the birds from their food. After multiple attempts which consisted of merely yelling at the winged creatures, a young man stood up and started chasing them. This definitely got the birds to fly away, but not before one of them defecated on him.
- Beach Shops. One summer I would like to move to the beach and work in a beach shop. The t-shirts and bracelets and sunglasses and towels are the same in almost every single location you walk in, but they're just so much fun and they really bring out a summer-like atmosphere. I actually forgot yesterday that we're only here on spring break, and not for an actual summer vacation.
- Kendyl Moore. As far as I know, Kendyl doesn't read my blog. But I'm not writing this for her to see, am I? Kendyl has been my constant this spring break. She came home with me, she rode to corpus with me, she went on a midnight snack run to Burger King last night with me, and now we're both in the condo getting ready to "beach it up", while the other members of our vacation group are already outside. Kendyl is wise and funny. She's calculated and not fickle. She has a beautiful heart, full of passion for the Savior. Together we watch Gilmore Girls, imagine what it would be like to marry in to the royal family, design Nike Shoes, and talk about life in general. She may seem quiet, but when you get to know her she definitely becomes more out-going. She's not out to impress anyone, she knows who she is and she doesn't need the approval of others. That's probably what I respect the most about her. Also, the fact that when she does decide to speak in serious situations, you know it's going to be something worth listening to. I love Kendyl.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The Beach.
Sometimes things do not go as planned. You could wake up at 4:30, planning to leave thirty minutes later for a three hour car ride, only to find that, three hours later, everything Murphy's Law exists and over that course of time, you've only ever gotten 5 miles away at a time, and have manually pushed two cars, loaded all your packed stuff into two separate cars, and tried to jump start a truck.
So what do we do when things don't go at planned?
I got excited. I'm not kidding. God answers prayers, duh, but He's specifically answering my prayer that I would be able to find joy in the bitterest of situations and not get so caught up among the ups and downs of life. I was honestly kind of excited for the little adventure Kendyl and I had yesterday, and God showed me a glimpse of how much He's blessed me by placing me in to my family. They were sad for our troubles and situations, and they all did everything they could to help. They rejoiced in our joy of final success!
Obstacles come from every direction possible. Half of the time, I wonder if God throws these obstacles in our way to make us work for it, so that we can be truly thankful. Other times, He completely takes away what we thought was opportunity, so that He can replace it with something better.
I want to be like a wave in God's ocean. (I'm sure his ocean smells better.) I want Him to take me, shape me, and THROW me, my only momentum being His Love and His Power. His ocean can make and destroy anything.
I could see myself becoming a beach bum. Not one of those creepy old ones with leathery skin who are constantly picking up broken pieces of sea shells, but the kind who reads a book by the ocean every day, who works at a cool little knick-knack shop and knows all of the best local restaurants. The kind who has long flowing blonde hair with natural sun-goldened highlights. The kind who rides a bike around town and carries a cool leather knapsack.
On the beach, your biggest problem is merely how to NOT get your towel covered in sand, and make sure your swimsuit stays tied. God takes care of the rest.
When I lay on the beach, I like to just feel the sun sinking into my skin. It feels like I'm literally soaking up God's awesome love.
(This post wasn't too cohesive, but I don't really feel like it needs to be. I'm on vacation ;) )
So what do we do when things don't go at planned?
I got excited. I'm not kidding. God answers prayers, duh, but He's specifically answering my prayer that I would be able to find joy in the bitterest of situations and not get so caught up among the ups and downs of life. I was honestly kind of excited for the little adventure Kendyl and I had yesterday, and God showed me a glimpse of how much He's blessed me by placing me in to my family. They were sad for our troubles and situations, and they all did everything they could to help. They rejoiced in our joy of final success!
Obstacles come from every direction possible. Half of the time, I wonder if God throws these obstacles in our way to make us work for it, so that we can be truly thankful. Other times, He completely takes away what we thought was opportunity, so that He can replace it with something better.
I want to be like a wave in God's ocean. (I'm sure his ocean smells better.) I want Him to take me, shape me, and THROW me, my only momentum being His Love and His Power. His ocean can make and destroy anything.
I could see myself becoming a beach bum. Not one of those creepy old ones with leathery skin who are constantly picking up broken pieces of sea shells, but the kind who reads a book by the ocean every day, who works at a cool little knick-knack shop and knows all of the best local restaurants. The kind who has long flowing blonde hair with natural sun-goldened highlights. The kind who rides a bike around town and carries a cool leather knapsack.
On the beach, your biggest problem is merely how to NOT get your towel covered in sand, and make sure your swimsuit stays tied. God takes care of the rest.
When I lay on the beach, I like to just feel the sun sinking into my skin. It feels like I'm literally soaking up God's awesome love.
(This post wasn't too cohesive, but I don't really feel like it needs to be. I'm on vacation ;) )
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Things I Want to Like (but somehow, just don't)
- Indie Films.
- Big Bang Theory (I'm only half way through the first season, but seriously... when does it get funny?)
- Lipstick.
- Secret Handshakes. (I don't remember what to do!)
- Painting my nails.
- Running.
- Yearbook Pictures.
- The 80's.
- Organic Food.
- Pizza.
- Piñatas.
- Pencils.
- Going to bed early.
- Waking up early.
- iPads.
- Dr. Pepper.
- Learning about wars in history.
- Basketball.
- Saving money.
- Voicemail.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
The Red Jeep.
Texas weather is probably on list of Top 10 Things You're Least Likely to Predict. One week you'll be saying "how is it THIS hot in January?!" and the next week you'll literally get 3 days off of school for a snow day. The week after that, it will feel like May, with sunshine, green grass, and a nice cool breeze, and of course the following week will consist mostly of dark clouds and thunderstorm warnings.
What this weather helps a lot with, is making old cars rather cranky. You have to be nice to your old cars, treat them with respect. Cars age much faster than people, although probably slower than dogs. (There isn't a lot of respect to be had for a car that conks out after 14 years, but you'll hear people comment on how old a dog was if it happens to pass away at the tender old age of 14). No, the first year of a car's life is probably worth about 5 human years, and each year after that is probably like... 4 years. This would put my quirky little old jeep at the ripe age of 69. (Let's not forget, my formula for car age is completely made up and highly estimated.)
A fact that I DO happen to know and do not need to make up, is the fact that people over the age of 60 do all they can to NOT, I repeat, NOT go out in harsh weather. They complain and whine if they end up being forced to, actually. 9 times out of 10, though, you will not see an older woman at the grocery store if there's snow falling outside.
Well my car is the same way. Or, at least, it used to be. With the winter storm weather that passed through Brownwood about a month and a half ago, my car decided to say goodbye. There were cracked whats-its and tangled whose-its and obviously the whackitackity was off center.... Okay, so I still really have no clue what was wrong with my car, but long story short: it wouldn't work and we had to get to towed and fixed and such.
Now, normally when your car gets fixed, it stays fixed for longer than a week. This did not seem to be the case, though. Within a week of getting my car back, it decided to only start every once in awhile. If I let my car sit even a day without driving it, the chances of my car starting were slim to none. Every once in awhile it would suddenly start and I would be able to drive it around all over again, but even these drives felt somewhat life threatening due to my car violently shaking as it would pop in to gear. So two weeks after I got my car back, I felt like my car was dying again (and this time, I couldn't even blame it on the weather!). We got Firestone to come pick it up, and in a few days they were able to get it to start. No car part replacements necessary, my car was fixed.
The problem? Bad gas. Whether we had actually filled my car with bad gas, or the gas was just already old, I'll never know. But the gas inside of my tank was old and basically rotten... spoiled... like milk.
I'm sure there's some awesome analytical spiritual parallel that can come from this, but I'm not a theologian, or a preacher. What I do know, is that this did still teach me a lesson:
For as long as I have been alive, I've been riding in cars. It's second nature to get in a car and expect it to move: that's why we have them, to get to the places we need to go. But even my car, something that doesn't have emotions or thoughts and opinions, has failed me and let me down. God on the other hand, DOESN'T. ever.
Why is it so easy to get in a car and expect it to move, and yet still struggle with God having total control of your life?
It was a rather inconvenient, but necessary thing to be reminded that God is the only One who you can ever really deservedly place complete trust in.
...and not only did He let me have my car back, but it didn't cost me anything either. That was above my expectations. :)
Well my car is the same way. Or, at least, it used to be. With the winter storm weather that passed through Brownwood about a month and a half ago, my car decided to say goodbye. There were cracked whats-its and tangled whose-its and obviously the whackitackity was off center.... Okay, so I still really have no clue what was wrong with my car, but long story short: it wouldn't work and we had to get to towed and fixed and such.
Now, normally when your car gets fixed, it stays fixed for longer than a week. This did not seem to be the case, though. Within a week of getting my car back, it decided to only start every once in awhile. If I let my car sit even a day without driving it, the chances of my car starting were slim to none. Every once in awhile it would suddenly start and I would be able to drive it around all over again, but even these drives felt somewhat life threatening due to my car violently shaking as it would pop in to gear. So two weeks after I got my car back, I felt like my car was dying again (and this time, I couldn't even blame it on the weather!). We got Firestone to come pick it up, and in a few days they were able to get it to start. No car part replacements necessary, my car was fixed.
The problem? Bad gas. Whether we had actually filled my car with bad gas, or the gas was just already old, I'll never know. But the gas inside of my tank was old and basically rotten... spoiled... like milk.
I'm sure there's some awesome analytical spiritual parallel that can come from this, but I'm not a theologian, or a preacher. What I do know, is that this did still teach me a lesson:
For as long as I have been alive, I've been riding in cars. It's second nature to get in a car and expect it to move: that's why we have them, to get to the places we need to go. But even my car, something that doesn't have emotions or thoughts and opinions, has failed me and let me down. God on the other hand, DOESN'T. ever.
Why is it so easy to get in a car and expect it to move, and yet still struggle with God having total control of your life?
It was a rather inconvenient, but necessary thing to be reminded that God is the only One who you can ever really deservedly place complete trust in.
...and not only did He let me have my car back, but it didn't cost me anything either. That was above my expectations. :)
Monday, February 28, 2011
Smile :)
Sometimes my mind gets so jumbled up in thoughts. My mind races everywhere and seems to run around in thousands of different interwoven circles
...and yet, what more do I really need to know than that God's love is real, and his promises of salvation are true?
Even during stresses that come with life like lost homework sheets, overlapping essays and tests, busy work schedules and misunderstandings between close friends, God's peace reigns supreme and His joy is stronger than the trials of this world.
...and yet, what more do I really need to know than that God's love is real, and his promises of salvation are true?
Even during stresses that come with life like lost homework sheets, overlapping essays and tests, busy work schedules and misunderstandings between close friends, God's peace reigns supreme and His joy is stronger than the trials of this world.
It is well,
It is well,
With my soul!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
I don't want my hope to be somewhere else, other than where it's supposed to be.
Hope in people, hope in things, hope in this world will disappear and leave you in despair.
God can use this, though, to help place your hope in Him.
Lamentations 3:19-24
Hope in people, hope in things, hope in this world will disappear and leave you in despair.
God can use this, though, to help place your hope in Him.
Lamentations 3:19-24
I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
God is good.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Thank You God,
...for giving me friends who I can talk about you with whenever I want or need to. Thank you for giving me friends who challenge the way I think, and can support their own opinions, or admit that they don't actually have one yet. Thank you for giving me friends with deep-seeded passions to glorify Your Holy name and spread your love to the people they come in contact with.
And thanks for giving them a sarcastic sense of humor :)
And... thanks for this orange juice i'm drinking. It's perfectly citrus-y.
And thanks for giving them a sarcastic sense of humor :)
And... thanks for this orange juice i'm drinking. It's perfectly citrus-y.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
"Aww" Moment.
Genesis 29:20
So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days.
...the girl in me can't help but melt. Happy late Valentine's Day :)
How Can I Stand Here With You, and Not Be Moved By You?
This is such a great illustration of our separation from God, and His perfect love for us despite everything we could ever do. Admittedly... I cry every time I watch it.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Jaynie Jones.
Today, 17 years ago, a beautiful little girl was born.
Actually, she was probably pink and wrinkly like a naked mole rat. I can imagine that it took her a few days to actually "cute-up".
About 5 years later, this little girl was sitting on the floor next to her older sister. The day was a normal one, the two had probably just thrown a birthday party for one of their stuffed teddy bears, Bobby, (he was a doodle bear. remember those?) and the older sister knew the perfect thing to do after such awesome festivities: sing a song. For some hideous reason, Old McDonald was the older sister's tune of choice. She sang it loudly and proudly, much to the horror of the younger sister. The young one asked the elder to politely stop, but did she? Well, not only did it not stop, but merely to spite her, the singing increased in volume. The younger sister asked again, but this only led to louder melodic decibels. Over and over again, the younger asked the elder to stop, and over and over again the reaction was the same. It was at this point that the younger one felt she only had one other option...
so she bit the elder on her back. How this is physically possible, I will never fully understand, but that's what happened.
Long story short, the younger one ended up in time out, but after 5 minutes of attempting to play by herself, the older sister got bored and went and sat with the younger until her punishment was over. The two have remained best friends.
Jaynie is the most talented person I know. Everything she tries she seems to excel at, but she also excels at being humble. She doesn't have to prove herself to anyone, and she has an unspoken confidence. There isn't anyone who doesn't love Jaynie :) She's not jealous, not quick to anger, and she's one of the more patient people on this planet. She's a beast at any sport she wants to play, she can rip up a guitar, and she's smart enough and dedicated enough to actually READ Moby Dick. Let me tell you... that's one WHALE of a tale! HAHAHAHA. Obviously I got all of the humor in the family.
No, realistically Jaynie is also the funniest and cutest. She doesn't get caught up in frivolous things: she dedicates herself to what she knows is important, and one of her best traits, I would say, is her honesty.
She's my best friend and my sister, and I'm so thankful that God has put her in my life for the past 17 years!
So Happy Birthday Jaynie!
I wish I could give you a hug today!
(and every other day)
I love you sistah!
:3) <- one of her favorite smiley faces.
p.s. if you couldn't figure it out, the sisters in the beginning story were me and her. She bit me. yeah. she doesn't seem so great now, does she?!?! ;)
Actually, she was probably pink and wrinkly like a naked mole rat. I can imagine that it took her a few days to actually "cute-up".
About 5 years later, this little girl was sitting on the floor next to her older sister. The day was a normal one, the two had probably just thrown a birthday party for one of their stuffed teddy bears, Bobby, (he was a doodle bear. remember those?) and the older sister knew the perfect thing to do after such awesome festivities: sing a song. For some hideous reason, Old McDonald was the older sister's tune of choice. She sang it loudly and proudly, much to the horror of the younger sister. The young one asked the elder to politely stop, but did she? Well, not only did it not stop, but merely to spite her, the singing increased in volume. The younger sister asked again, but this only led to louder melodic decibels. Over and over again, the younger asked the elder to stop, and over and over again the reaction was the same. It was at this point that the younger one felt she only had one other option...
so she bit the elder on her back. How this is physically possible, I will never fully understand, but that's what happened.
Long story short, the younger one ended up in time out, but after 5 minutes of attempting to play by herself, the older sister got bored and went and sat with the younger until her punishment was over. The two have remained best friends.
Jaynie is the most talented person I know. Everything she tries she seems to excel at, but she also excels at being humble. She doesn't have to prove herself to anyone, and she has an unspoken confidence. There isn't anyone who doesn't love Jaynie :) She's not jealous, not quick to anger, and she's one of the more patient people on this planet. She's a beast at any sport she wants to play, she can rip up a guitar, and she's smart enough and dedicated enough to actually READ Moby Dick. Let me tell you... that's one WHALE of a tale! HAHAHAHA. Obviously I got all of the humor in the family.
No, realistically Jaynie is also the funniest and cutest. She doesn't get caught up in frivolous things: she dedicates herself to what she knows is important, and one of her best traits, I would say, is her honesty.
She's my best friend and my sister, and I'm so thankful that God has put her in my life for the past 17 years!
So Happy Birthday Jaynie!
I wish I could give you a hug today!
(and every other day)
I love you sistah!
:3) <- one of her favorite smiley faces.
p.s. if you couldn't figure it out, the sisters in the beginning story were me and her. She bit me. yeah. she doesn't seem so great now, does she?!?! ;)
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Hope.
Hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
I've always thought that hope was really just.... wishful thinking.
"I hope I get a car."
"I hope the test is canceled!"
"I hope... hope.... hope."
True biblical hope though, is different. Biblical hope is more like "confident expectation". This hope is meant to be found in God, in the faith that salvation through Him is real. Without hope, life loses it's meaning. Lamentations 3:18 says "So I say, my splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord." But because we have place our hope in Christ, we know that God supplies our everything, and regardless of EVERYTHING we have ever done, He has great plans for all of us. (Jeremiah 29:11).
1 Corinthians 13:13
"And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."
...I have a lot of growing up to do :)
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
I've always thought that hope was really just.... wishful thinking.
"I hope I get a car."
"I hope the test is canceled!"
"I hope... hope.... hope."
True biblical hope though, is different. Biblical hope is more like "confident expectation". This hope is meant to be found in God, in the faith that salvation through Him is real. Without hope, life loses it's meaning. Lamentations 3:18 says "So I say, my splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord." But because we have place our hope in Christ, we know that God supplies our everything, and regardless of EVERYTHING we have ever done, He has great plans for all of us. (Jeremiah 29:11).
1 Corinthians 13:13
"And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."
...I have a lot of growing up to do :)
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Vague.
I
am
scared...
to reach out for what i want.
what if i can't get it?
I
am
scared...
to make the first step to change things
what if the change isn't good?
I
am
scared...
to recognize that i'm pushing myself down
repressing myself
holding back
LIMITING MYSELF.
Doesn't that mean i'm limiting God too?
am
scared...
to reach out for what i want.
what if i can't get it?
I
am
scared...
to make the first step to change things
what if the change isn't good?
I
am
scared...
to recognize that i'm pushing myself down
repressing myself
holding back
LIMITING MYSELF.
Doesn't that mean i'm limiting God too?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Addison Road.
Question for thought: Why would I ever doubt the love or existence of the savior, when He's the only thing that is TRULY reliable and good? Why would I trust other people and myself, before I trusted in Him?
This song has been on my heart a lot lately. It embodies EXACTLY what I'm going through right now. GREAT song!
This song has been on my heart a lot lately. It embodies EXACTLY what I'm going through right now. GREAT song!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Update on the Vroom Vroom Post.
Question asked: does God ever give you something you want, even though it's not something you're supposed to have?
Answer: God gives you freedom of choice. Meaning you KNOW you aren't supposed to have it, and He calls you to abandon yourself of earthly things, yet the option is still there. Refusing yourself for divine matters is a huge part of the act of loving God.
Maybe it could be deemed a "test of faith", but let's not get dramatic here.
So far I've been living a rather unimpressive life, defined by things which aren't going to mean much. When I get to heaven, I really don't want my conversations with God to be about the guys I liked/dated, the school subjects I did or did not enjoy, or the hours I spent scanning groceries at Brookshire's.
i don't want my life to be a series of complaints about mundane events.
I want a life with a story worth telling. Not necessarily anything that will get me into the history books, I don't really have a deep seeded desire for vast fame and fortune. But I want a life full of adventures and experiences which not only make me a well rounded person, but that gives me something great to talk about with God once I'm with him face to face. I want to talk to God like a best friend. I mean sure he's my savior and Father, the Righteous Judge who's wrath is something worth fearing, someone who's respectable above all measures... but a relationship with God is way more than just "fearing" Him. A relationship is something you work at, God is someone you talk to. I can't even BEGIN to emphasize the importance and the power of prayer! Through prayer, through his word, (and through any other means which he sees fit,) God can communicate with you. So yeah... I think it would be very possible to be buddy-buddy with God!
I want to get to heaven already knowing God on a personal level and being able to say "i saw you here, i saw you here, remember this? remember this? I want us to talk like we're 7th grade girls at a sleepover with thousands of inside jokes (all of which i'll remember, because hey... why wouldn't i have a perfect memory in heaven?), all of which emphasize his glory, grace, power and AWESOMENESS.
Anyway, in summary, I'm asking God of a lot of help to not define myself by the beliefs and opinions of others. I'm in a very... weird... place right now. A place i'm somewhat excited to be in because there's a lot of room for growth, but a place that I kind of had to make a lot of mistakes and miscommunications to get to. I want God to define me, I don't want to define myself anymore. I think He has a better idea than I do.....
Answer: God gives you freedom of choice. Meaning you KNOW you aren't supposed to have it, and He calls you to abandon yourself of earthly things, yet the option is still there. Refusing yourself for divine matters is a huge part of the act of loving God.
Maybe it could be deemed a "test of faith", but let's not get dramatic here.
So far I've been living a rather unimpressive life, defined by things which aren't going to mean much. When I get to heaven, I really don't want my conversations with God to be about the guys I liked/dated, the school subjects I did or did not enjoy, or the hours I spent scanning groceries at Brookshire's.
i don't want my life to be a series of complaints about mundane events.
I want a life with a story worth telling. Not necessarily anything that will get me into the history books, I don't really have a deep seeded desire for vast fame and fortune. But I want a life full of adventures and experiences which not only make me a well rounded person, but that gives me something great to talk about with God once I'm with him face to face. I want to talk to God like a best friend. I mean sure he's my savior and Father, the Righteous Judge who's wrath is something worth fearing, someone who's respectable above all measures... but a relationship with God is way more than just "fearing" Him. A relationship is something you work at, God is someone you talk to. I can't even BEGIN to emphasize the importance and the power of prayer! Through prayer, through his word, (and through any other means which he sees fit,) God can communicate with you. So yeah... I think it would be very possible to be buddy-buddy with God!
I want to get to heaven already knowing God on a personal level and being able to say "i saw you here, i saw you here, remember this? remember this? I want us to talk like we're 7th grade girls at a sleepover with thousands of inside jokes (all of which i'll remember, because hey... why wouldn't i have a perfect memory in heaven?), all of which emphasize his glory, grace, power and AWESOMENESS.
Anyway, in summary, I'm asking God of a lot of help to not define myself by the beliefs and opinions of others. I'm in a very... weird... place right now. A place i'm somewhat excited to be in because there's a lot of room for growth, but a place that I kind of had to make a lot of mistakes and miscommunications to get to. I want God to define me, I don't want to define myself anymore. I think He has a better idea than I do.....
Saturday, February 5, 2011
The Drunk and the Hypocrite - Jon Foreman.
This is the second half of an article in Relevant magazine, written by Jon Foreman, the lead singer of Switchfoot. True to the name, I found this article to be very relevant, and addressed an important issue found within the body of Christ. It's always nice to see prominent people/Christians who aren't just living the Christian lifestyle just because it's their job, but being able to see Christ as an active role in their own personal lives: lives which they are openly allowing the world to see.
(the whole article can be found at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/features/23449-the-drunk-and-the-hypocrite)
"Walking the line between the clubs and the Church, I’ve been misunderstood by both sides. I’m sure you’ve felt the same thing: people throw rocks at the things they don’t understand. But it hurts worst when it comes from well-intending brothers and sisters, the folks who are purportedly filled with the love of Christ. Our knee-jerk response is to retaliate, to fight back. And the cycle begins again. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. God will take care of the speck in my neighbor’s eye. The more faith I have in Him and His strong voice, the less I have to yell. The more faith I have in Him, the freer my hands become to serve those around me.
Washing feet is not extra credit. We are called to bear each other’s burdens. Unity is a miraculous achievement, but it’s intended for this side of the grave. Unity is the transforming work of the power of the cross in our lives. In the dark, blood-stained shadow of the cross, our boasting is laughable. Our differences are minute. Take another look at the cross. Look at how much He loves you. Look at His surrender, His sacrifice. Unity comes into focus only when we realize the magnificent grace of the Savior.
Let us acknowledge our neediness, our beautiful desperation. Yes, our unanswerable, aching, longing poverty is a prerequisite for the balm of salvation. We, the people—the failures, the losers, the outsiders—we have found our King. Christ, the King of the fools; the Lord of the sick, broken souls like us. Let us remain in continual awe of the love we have been shown. And let us love! Let us celebrate the reckless love of the one who risked all that we might be loved. And let us follow in the path of a God who loves us. The tax collectors and the rabbis. The prostitutes and the Sadducees. In the bars and in the churches. Yes, God even loves Christians."
Friday, February 4, 2011
2 Corinthians 2:9&10
Sometimes Bible verses follow you around:
"But as it is written, no eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.
But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God."
God has a plan. It's up to me to trust Him with that.
He knows what he's doing, I don't.
...Patience.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Hungry.
"Hungry I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry
So I wait for You
So I wait for You
I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus You're all
This heart is living for
Broken I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know Your touch
Restores my life
So I wait for You
So I wait for You"
But... I don't know exactly WHAT God has intended for me. There are some aspects of my life that seem to be rather interestingly fitting and unique, like a puzzle or something. But when it comes to this puzzle of life, I don't have a picture on a box to look at while I'm trying to piece everything together. I have clues, ideas, hopes, but I also have fear that I'm just projecting my own will and trying to write it off as God's Will.
So here I am... waiting.
All I can do is wait and listen for God to tell me what's next, what step to take, and offer myself to him as a living sacrifice.
Easier said than done.
MUCH easier said than done.
"I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry"
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Vroom. Vroom.
The first week of the second semester has come and gone, and I think it was quite successful. I have conversations I needed to have, bonded with people I needed to bond with, and even opened up some schoolbooks and studied along the way! I don't think I could have asked God for more.
Which brings me to a topic that's been floating around in my head for the past few days: would God ever give you something you ask for, but that isn't necessarily what you're supposed to have?
(Bad Example Alert!): Let's say you need a car, and you're parents are going to buy it for you. You don't know what kind of car you're going to end up getting, but you have some specific things which you would appreciate your car to have, like a 5 star safety rating, top of the line seat belts, and the ability to drive well in snow.
You're out and about, waiting for the perfect car to come along, when you realize that a car has been right in front of you the whole time at the car dealership you often frequent, which has every single quality you expect, along with an awesome stereo system and heated front seats. This car is a bit pricey and you don't necessarily know if you deserve this car, so you don't even ask your parents for this one, because you're too afraid the final answer will be know. (but they VERY well know that you want this car.)
Anyway.... another car comes along and it seems pretty great. Reliable... durable... only problem is, it doesn't exactly match up to everything you wanted in a car. It still has a good safety rating, but it's 3.5 stars instead of 5. It doesn't have seatbelts in the back, but they're still intact in the driver and passenger sides. And the snow? well.... as long as you constantly check the amount of antifreeze in the engine (because there's a slight leak), it should still be fine. Whether or not it's a good car isn't the question, whether or not it's the right car for YOU is the issue at hand. You know your parents know what's best for you, and you therefore mention this car to them, as something you're interested in. Maybe you even beg for it.
A month later.... the car that doesn't meet your standards is sitting in your garage, while the other car that you actually secretly desired the most is still sitting at the car dealership.
Would God ever do this? What if the car "your parents" gave you isn't the one you'll end up driving?
Maybe this is more of a theological question, but any opinion on this I would be greatly interested in hearing about. I've never thought about it before. I know that God always supplies our needs, but would He ever supply a want, even if it's not something we're necessarily meant to have?
Which brings me to a topic that's been floating around in my head for the past few days: would God ever give you something you ask for, but that isn't necessarily what you're supposed to have?
(Bad Example Alert!): Let's say you need a car, and you're parents are going to buy it for you. You don't know what kind of car you're going to end up getting, but you have some specific things which you would appreciate your car to have, like a 5 star safety rating, top of the line seat belts, and the ability to drive well in snow.
You're out and about, waiting for the perfect car to come along, when you realize that a car has been right in front of you the whole time at the car dealership you often frequent, which has every single quality you expect, along with an awesome stereo system and heated front seats. This car is a bit pricey and you don't necessarily know if you deserve this car, so you don't even ask your parents for this one, because you're too afraid the final answer will be know. (but they VERY well know that you want this car.)
Anyway.... another car comes along and it seems pretty great. Reliable... durable... only problem is, it doesn't exactly match up to everything you wanted in a car. It still has a good safety rating, but it's 3.5 stars instead of 5. It doesn't have seatbelts in the back, but they're still intact in the driver and passenger sides. And the snow? well.... as long as you constantly check the amount of antifreeze in the engine (because there's a slight leak), it should still be fine. Whether or not it's a good car isn't the question, whether or not it's the right car for YOU is the issue at hand. You know your parents know what's best for you, and you therefore mention this car to them, as something you're interested in. Maybe you even beg for it.
A month later.... the car that doesn't meet your standards is sitting in your garage, while the other car that you actually secretly desired the most is still sitting at the car dealership.
Would God ever do this? What if the car "your parents" gave you isn't the one you'll end up driving?
Maybe this is more of a theological question, but any opinion on this I would be greatly interested in hearing about. I've never thought about it before. I know that God always supplies our needs, but would He ever supply a want, even if it's not something we're necessarily meant to have?
Monday, January 17, 2011
New Chapters.
A lot has changed over the past year. Who I was at the beginning of 2010 is definitely a different person from who I was during 2011. The changes that occurred were not only hair color and personal style, but I definitely went through a huge personality change.
Who I became towards the end of senior year, and throughout the summer, is NOT the person I ever want to be again. A few months ago, towards the beginning of November, I had a relapse. School had been going SO well, and I felt like I was on the right track and pace in my relationship with God. So much so, in fact, that I became prideful and completely trusted myself, when I still really hadn't gained by my own trust in myself. I let my guard fall, and then I fell.
Temptation is always around you. When Satan can't get you one way, he'll hit you from another angle. Especially when you're pride is in the way.
Anyway, I made a mess of things. This is something I definitely regret, and I'm still having to learn to forgive myself. Knowing that God's forgiveness is there, and that the people around you have forgiven you too, isn't enough. I think you can KNOW that you're forgiven, but it isn't REALLY until you forgive yourself that you really BELIEVE in the forgiveness. I may be wrong in this point; it isn't something I've exactly mulled over for hours. What I do know for sure, is that self forgiveness is vitally important.
So here's to the new semester and the 2nd chapter of college: new classes, new furniture arrangment, new friends, new room mate; and here's to embracing the changes, righting the wrongs, and learning how to truly live a life of love.
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