20

I don't think birthdays are new beginnings, or new chances, or even life changers. They should more likely signify that, in theory, you know more than you previously did and are more dignified in how you know it. Something about maturity.
But as I look at this past year, I don't particularly feel proud. In fact, I can pin-point those specific moments that I know changed the course of my life, and I'm not sure how many of those are changes for the better.
In all honesty, I feel more bitterness and confusion and loneliness now, than I ever have in my entire life. Last year I was still in a state of excitement for new experiences at college and new friendships which I always heard would last a lifetime. I was excited for involvement and personal and spiritual growth; for memories to be forged. Now I'm met with the realization that as time went on, I settled in to comfort and did not move past my zone. I made some incredible friends, but ended up not pushing myself beyond that group. I no longer looked for new experiences that took me out of my comfort zone or experienced much personal growth besides that which develops from heartbreak.
Spiritually I became refreshened once I met my boyfriend, Bryan. The joyful challenge and encouragement he has been in my life has been unlike any other. Even through my times of sinful pride and selfishness he has not turned away from me or given up. He is a living example of fighting for what you want and believe in, and his life story reminds me that even through the worst times, God will prevail.
Having such a great influence in my life still doesn't mean that I myself was not ever static in my faith. I was, and still am to an extent deeper than I am comfortable to admit, but I must. I know of a God who loves me, yet the "fruits" I see from even the close people around me almost turn me away. Bitterness has become prevalent in my heart, which I know is wrong: but indifference is the hardest mountain to overcome.
I'm praying for an awakening.
I'm praying for renewal.
Until then, I apologize for the state of my heart. I truly am sorry.

Reflection.

Sometimes I find myself looking in the mirror upset with myself. Not to be depressing, but I think that most people do that. Mirrors have a tendency of not only reflecting our physical appearance, but our hearts too. When I look in a mirror and become upset with what I see, oftentimes it is due to feelings of inferiority or sudden moments of self-deprecation.
This... is wrong.
When I look in to a mirror and receive mental negative feedback, whether that be about the way I look or the way I "am", that is me defining myself. That is my stepping in and over looking the fact that I have a signature on my soul representing that I am a piece of art by God the creator. A painting or sculpture can not declare it's own value. In the end, it is the artist Himself who defines worth, whether or not the rest of the population agrees.
And I am a creation of God. That makes me so much more than adequate.

Find in Thee thine all in All

Love is a choice, and God chose us.
Praise Him!

What Veggie Tales still teaches/reminds me of.

The gifts that God has blessed us with, our talents and resources and comforts, are not to be used for our own benefit, but in service to the One who gave us Love. What He gave to us, we return to Him in endless gratitude. That's serving. That is living a life of love.

Repetition of Praise!

As believers, we are allowed to spend eternity standing complete before the Throne of Christ, saying over and over again "Jesus died my soul save. Oh praise the one who paid my debts and raised this life up from the dead. To Him, I owe it all. Hallellujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Great is the name of the Lord God Almighty.

Thumper.

This cute little cheeky rabbit is Thumper, one of the most beloved characters from Disney's Classic movie, Bambi. I can't help but think about this little guy every time the phrase "if you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all" enters my head.
This phrase is one of the best remembered from all of Bambi. Disney did a great job of making the concept one that children of all ages would remember for a lifetime (I myself am living proof). In fact, upon researching this phrase, it turns out that this moral has come to be known by as the "Thumperian principle"! Thank you Wikipedia (I think you're at least partially reliable!)
Even though it's a familiar, is this really something we really put in to practice in our day to day lives?
Sometimes I feel like the older we get, the more childish we consider this idea to be. Of course on the surface, only saying nice things seems "just super!". But in reality, humor and jokes tend to be sarcastic and sometimes you can get the best laugh by cutting a dear friend down. These situations are easily justified by telling yourself (they're my friend, they know I'm just kidding.)
But Proverbs 34:13-14 states,

"Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but in no way do I believe that pointing out the flaw of a friend for the sake of a joke is an act of peace. More seriously, wouldn't this be an example of pride in its purest form? You're cutting someone else down for your own benefit. You're treating someone you supposedly love in such a way that disfigures love of Christ and in such a way that others would view hypocritical.
Holding your tongue is a principle. It's about being kind. Last time I checked, kindness was still listed as one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit.
I know in my personal day-to-day life I am by NO MEANS clear of doing this. But it has been on my heart quite often throughout this past week, and now I see a speck in my own eye that I need to concentrate on asking and allowing God to remove.

It's all about Christ's perfect love.

Sophomore Year Fall Semester

I want to come off of this semester describing it as being chock full of purely empirical experiences.